Where is the hickey?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
