So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There are leaves in my underwear?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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