so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
