Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
