I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
