Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
