you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize