i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
