dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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