One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize