so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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