Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
