it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
And the cops told us we were all naked.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
sex in a hospital.. check
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
