If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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