I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
