i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Randomize
