Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
