i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
where are my eyebrows?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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