it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
