Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
FUCK WHALES
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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