he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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