At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
