i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
