**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
