Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
