Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
