haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
