she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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