I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
