I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
