remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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