She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
