Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
