A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
