I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If its not for food we ain't going out.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
