'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
