I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
