Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
