On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
