That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
