im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
