every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
