I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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