i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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