Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
