There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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