We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
