You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
