do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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