turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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