Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize