So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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