you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
