im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
