apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You took a bar mat shot.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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