I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
