I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
