I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize