Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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