Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize