I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
