Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Success! We fucked roommates!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
