So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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