the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
