yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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