It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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