cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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