somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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